


Politics of Professionalism

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-23
Updated: 2002-10-23
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: After another disastrous date, Donna and Josh realize their true feelings, and all is going well â€“ until Leo interrupts them!





	Politics of Professionalism

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Politics of Professionalism**

**by:** Columbia 

**Disclaimer:** Okay, okay, they’re not mine. I just like to pretend they are.  
**Category:** Josh/Donna Romance  
**Spoilers:** Nothing specific  
**Summary:** After another disastrous date, Donna and Josh realize their true feelings, and all is going well – until Leo interrupts them!  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Author's Note:** This can be set any time in TWW timeline. There could be a sequel if I put my mind to it, but only if I get asked. Let me know! Thanks very much to Donna for betaing, my first time getting someone I don’t know to beta! I really appreciated the comments xx  
**Feedback:**..sob sob…why don’t I get any...ever...sob... 

She cut through the water with long, clean strokes, her anger driving her from wall to wall.

Swimming was a thing she only did when she was angry – she needed that extra passion, that extra stimulant to drive her. It was only when she was annoyed or stressed out that she went to the pool to take her anger out on the water. 

But today the public swimming pool was crowded. The noise of friendly conversation and chatter was amplified by the water and interrupted her thoughts.

Wanting to escape, Donna ducked her head under and swam along the bottom, only surfacing to the noisy distraction of the pool when she needed to breathe. Underwater, the noise was muffled and distanced, the crowds seemed removed and unimportant. It was quiet and tranquil, and with no distractions, Donna allowed her thoughts to drift uninterrupted. 

She let herself think of him.

 

The Previous Night, Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff, 23:06

 

Josh sighed as his eyes roamed the office, looking for something to do. Usually that wasn’t a problem – being the third most important man in the Bartlet Administration meant that he was usually kept pretty busy. But today had been a light day – the President had been in Argentina for the past couple of days, and that seemed to decrease the workload somewhat.

He could have taken off two hours ago. 9 pm on a Thursday? A rare gift to the Deputy Chief of Staff. It was such a light day that he had been happy to let Donna go early. Happy, at least until he found out it was because she had a date. Then he couldn’t think of random yet compulsory immediate tasks for her fast enough.

Eventually, she had promised to come back afterwards to finish her paperwork. He wasn’t too pleased about the arrangement, but it was the best he could get, and at least this way he could make sure she was okay after what was sure to be another disastrous date from hell.

In the highly unlikely event of the date not being from hell, well – that would probably be just as disastrous to Josh. It was one thing to see her work her way through a never-ending revolving door of local gomers, but it would be quite another to see her in a serious relationship with someone she really liked.

Frankly, Josh considered the second option to be far worse.

His never-ending hope that Donna’s dates would be eternally bad did cause him some guilt, and it was that sense of guilt now that was making him pretend to work as he waited for her. That, and he just wanted to see her.

He looked up suddenly as he heard Donna’s high heels click down the hallway. He knew her footsteps.

She appeared at the doorway and leaned against the frame. "Hey."

"Hey" he replied, searching her face to gauge her reaction to her date. "You all right?"

Donna nodded, but she wasn’t smiling. She looked sadly at her feet for a moment before looking back at Josh. "What are you still doing here?"

"I had stuff to do." Josh said, indicating the work on his desk.

She came closer to inspect it. Seeing that it was all non-essential work she smiled. "No you didn’t!"

"I did! Well, enough to keep me going anyway."

She smiled again. "Josh – you didn’t have to wait around for me."

He shrugged. "It’s no problem. So, how was it?"

She rolled her eyes. "The usual. Loser. Well, I’d better go finish up." She left his office and walked out to her desk.

After a few moments, he followed her. She looked up from her desk as he approached.

"You need something?"

"Yeah, I need you to put down a meeting with Stamford for tomorrow 11 am."

"No, he agreed to discuss the possibility of a meeting."

"So, he wants to meet with you to decide whether or not to meet with you?"

"Yeah."

"Ok...."

"I know."

"11 am?"

"Yeah. So, the date blew, huh?"

Donna threw down her pen. "Yes, Josh! The date blew? Happy? Once again, you were right, you satisfied?!"

Josh stepped back in surprise and said nothing.

Donna rubbed her eyes. "I’m sorry. That was uncalled for."

Josh frowned. "Are you all right?"

"I’m fine. I’m just.." she sighed. "I’m just pissed at my dating luck, that’s all. Or lack thereof. I didn’t mean to take it out on you."

"It’s okay. Take it out on me all you want. Hit me, if it’ll make you feel better."

She laughed slightly. "Thank you."

"Donna, this guy tonight, he didn’t hurt you in any way, did he?"

"No! He’s just another in a long line of never-ending losers. The next one will be just as bad, if not worse. It’s my destiny." 

"No it’s not. You’ve just been unlucky."

"I’ll say."

"We get what we deserve, Donna. And that means that sooner or later you’ll end up with a really great guy. _I’ll_ probably hate him, but...."

Donna smiled and shook her head. "Josh....there should be more guys like you in the world."

He laughed. "Nah. I’m one of a kind."

She smiled back. "Yeah." She walked past him. "Which is sad for me."

Josh looked after her in surprise. That couldn’t be a come on? He saw her stop suddenly as she realized what she had said. She spun around to face him, a flustered look on her face. "Umm...that wasn’t....I didn’t mean.."

"Oh yeah, I know" he replied quickly, but there was the beginning of a smug grin on his face. She rolled her eyes at his expression.

"Shut up."

"I didn’t say anything!" The dimples were in full force now.

She laughed and narrowed her eyes before turning her back on him. "You thought it!"

She walked back into his office and began to organize his desk. He followed her, leaning against the doorframe to watch her work. She looked up. 

"What’s this?" she asked, not stopping her work. "You watch the little woman while she does your work?"

"Sounds good to me."

She smiled.

"Donna – I’m sorry about your date. Really."

"Yeah." She shrugged. "It’s okay. I should be used to it by now, I guess."

"No you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have to be used to it. It’s not fair for you."

"What do you mean?"

"It’s like I said before, we get what we deserve, and you don’t deserve this."

She stopped working. "You know what, I don’t think that’s true."

"What?"

"I don’t think we get what we deserve."

Josh stopped leaning on the frame and walked forward. "Why not?"

She walked around the side of the desk. "Look at us. The President didn’t deserve to get MS. Leo and Toby didn’t deserve to get a divorce. And you....you sure as hell didn’t deserve to get shot."

"I guess not."

"I think we just have to make our own luck. I have to make mine. Just like I did when I walked into the campaign office two years ago. It’s my own fault my dates don’t work out."

"No, it’s not."

"It is. I...I guess I expect too much."

"You should. You should expect the best Donna, because you’re worth it, and if you don’t get it, that’s their loss, not yours."

Donna felt tears come to her eyes as she smiled happily. "Josh...thank you." She walked into his arms, leaning her head against his chest.

"You’re welcome" he said, stroking her hair.

Donna took a deep breath, deciding whether or not to finally open her heart to him. Then Josh asked the question that sealed the deal.

"Just as a matter of interest, what **do** you expect from your dates?"

She closed her eyes. "I don’t know. It’s like every guy, I’m wishing....that he’s someone else."

Josh bit his lip. "Who?" he asked, praying for the right answer.

They broke apart just enough to be able to look into each other’s eyes. "You," Donna whispered.

Josh took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what this thing between them was, but he sure as hell wanted to find out. "Donna..."

Donna instantly backtracked, thinking she had said something wrong. "I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have."

"No, Donna, shh" Josh whispered, putting his finger to her mouth before replacing it with his lips.

Donna moaned softly as he deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to her. Her hands were pulling at his tie when a voice interrupted them. "Josh!"

They broke apart, and turned in horror to see Leo in the doorway. He did not look happy.

"L-Leo"  Josh stammered. 

"What the hell do you two think you’re doing?"

"Uh...so...you’re back from Argentina, then?"

"Yeah!"

"Good trip?" Josh asked weakly.

"Great. Now would someone mind telling me what exactly is going on?"

Donna was dumbstruck, Josh tried to explain. "Leo, I, we, it’s nothing, I.."

"Donna, why don’t you head off home?" suggested Leo, but his tone made it clear it was non-negotiable.

"Sure." She said, sharing a swift, terrified look with Josh before making an exit.

Leo watched her go before turning back to Josh.

"Leo, listen-"

"My office. Now."

 

**The next morning**

 

Josh paced the bullpen, trying to look busy. In reality, he was waiting for Donna to get in. It had taken every bit of negotiating skill he possessed to persuade Leo not to transfer Donna to another department, or even another building. His boss had spent two hours the previous night hammering into Josh the various reasons why he and Donna couldn’t be together. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them happy, he had told his deputy gravely, it was just that they had all sacrificed certain aspects of their lives to work in this building, and that’s the way it was. Besides, he pointed out, the Bartlet Administration couldn’t last forever. But as far as Josh was concerned, it might as well. Now that he had managed to secure Donna her job, he had a harder task to do, and that was to get over these feelings he had for assistant. It was time to draw some lines.

Donna’s first stop when she entered the West Wing was the coffee machine, and this was for two reasons. Firstly, as a delaying tactic – she was not looking forward to facing Josh, and secondly, she needed the caffeine. She’d been up all night, tossing and turning, endlessly replaying his words in her head – "it’s nothing."

"It’s nothing." Well, it certainly wasn’t nothing to her, and she was sure it wasn’t nothing to him either, but there was only way to find out. Taking a deep breath, she rounded the corner, only to walk smack into the very person she’d been hoping to avoid. 

"Oof!"

"Donna!"

"Josh."

"Donna...I need to know when I have staff."

Donna stared at him. He was seriously standing there asking her about staff after last night? Her state of shock sent her onto automatic pilot, and she answered him. "20 minutes."

"Thanks." Josh turned and walked back into his office, shutting his door behind him.

Donna stood in a dazed state for a few minutes before walking to his office. Finding the door closed –an unheard of phenomenon – she knocked hesitantly on the door. 

She heard his voice from behind him. "Yeah?"

She opened the door and entered, shutting it again behind her. 

He looked up. "What?"

She wanted to laugh. "What do you mean "what?" Josh, last night...I need to know if I still have a job!"

He put down his pen and rubbed his eyes. "I’m sorry. Yes, you still have a job."

"What did Leo say?"

"He kicked my ass, to be honest."

"Josh –"

"Yeah?"

She sat down in the visitor chair, feeling confused. "I think I’m entitled to a bit more information, don’t you?"

"Yeah. Listen, last night was a mistake."

"Yeah, I got that!"

"He just basically said that it was really stupid, nothing could ever happen, etc., etc."

"Is he.." she swallowed, dreading the answer. "Is he going to split us up?"

Josh looked up again. "No. No, we’re fine."

"Okay." Donna decided to let it go. Obviously, this was bothering him. She changed the subject. "Well, you need anything?"

"No." he said tersely.

"Fine." She replied in the same tone, and left.

 

 

Donna jabbed resentfully at her keyboard, determined to take her anger out on something inanimate. Josh had been in meetings all morning, and when he had finally returned he had gone straight into his office without saying a word to her.

It was stupid, Donna thought, there was no point in going around not saying a word to each other, people would start to suspect something was up. Well, if he could forget it so easily, so, thought Donna, could she.

Resolving to act as if nothing had changed, Donna got up and walked purposefully into Josh's office. 

He jumped as she entered, the newspaper flying out of his hands.

"Donna! For the love of....why didn’t you knock?"

"Since when did I knock?" Donna asked, smiling slightly.

He didn’t smile back. "Since now."

"What?"

"From now on, you come in here, you knock. You don’t just walk in."

"What the hell? Josh,-"

"It’s more professional."

Donna sighed. "Whatever. Listen, you want me to get lunch?"

Josh stood up and grabbed his coat. "No. I can get my own lunch, it’s actually not in your description to order my food."

"I know, but...Josh, when have I ever been restricted to my job description?"

"Since now."

"What’s this about?"

"It’s about you being my assistant and doing your job!"

"Is there a problem with my work?" she asked angrily.

"No! I’m saying, you don’t have to do the things that...you don’t have to do!"

"What’s gotten into you, Josh? We were never like this, we never stuck to job descriptions – it was never in your job description to keep me out of jail – it was never in my job description to help you out after you got shot! We don’t do job descriptions, Josh – its not us! If you don’t know that, you don’t know me at all!"

"It is ‘us’ now!"

"Josh, if this is about last night – "

"It’s not about last night" he answered truthfully. He knew this had started way before that.

"Because if it is –"

"This isn’t about last night!" he shouted.

She looked startled at the volume of his voice. He shook his head and spoke quieter.

"This isn’t about last night. Donna...we gotta...cool this down."

"Cool **what** down?" Donna asked, genuinely confused.

"We act too close...it’s not professional."

Donna stepped closer to him. "Josh" she said softly. "If this is about what happened last night, talk to me about it...please."

Josh sat down on the edge of his desk and stared at his hands. "It’s not about last night" he repeated.

Donna gave up. "Fine" she snapped, turning on her heel and walking out, slamming the door behind her.

 

 

 

She was swimming faster now, her memory of him had sparked a new burst of angry energy and she swam from wall to wall, bouncing off opposite sides like a ping-pong ball.

It didn’t take him long to find her. He knew where she would be, and it was easy to pick out her alabaster skin and blonde hair streaking back and forth across the pool. He took a deep breath, walked to the pool’s edge, knelt down by the water and waited.

Looking up through the water, she could barely make out the shape of a man kneeling at the edge. Curiously, she surfaced and rose to lean on her arms at the side. She came face to face with her boss.

"Josh!" she said, surprised.

He smiled sadly. "You must be mad at me to go swimming."

"What?"

"You said one time that it’s only anger that can make you, and I quote "ricochet off opposite sides of an overgrown bathtub like a deranged pinball machine." See, I do know you."

She said nothing, not trusting herself to reply in the ‘professional’ manner he would want from her. She lowered herself back into the water and swam to the steps. Eyeing him suspiciously, she climbed out. "You shouldn’t be here."

He seemed distracted, and she noticed for the first time that she was clad only in her dripping wet bathing suit. She nodded at her towel and he handed it to her.

He tried to concentrate. "We need to talk."

"This is ‘inappropriate’" she pointed out.

"And **that’s** what we need to talk about" He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Donna, why are you being like this."

"I’m being professional. That’s what you wanted."

"This isn’t what I want."

"Then what do you want, Josh?!" She whipped round to face him. "I can’t get it right, can I? First you tell me I’m acting to close to you, and now I’m being too professional? I don’t get it! What do you want?"

"I want." Josh paused as he thought about what he really did want. Well, he knew the answer to that. Donna. But he also knew he couldn’t have her. He stared sadly at her as he tried to put the hopelessness and depression he felt into words. Finally, his answer came out in the same tone he’d used to tell Joey Lucas "We need answers to the questions we can’t ask." He looked at Donna, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "Donna...I want us to be so many things we’re not allowed to be."

Her eyes widened and her anger faded as she saw the sadness in his eyes. She stood there, battling with herself about what to say next.

"Meet me outside" she said, but it was more a statement than a question.

"Sure."

 

 

Josh stood up quickly when Donna finally emerged from the changing room. She walked over to him resolutely, a question on her lips.

"If you want us to be things we can’t be, what am I supposed to do to make you not want the things we can’t do, or make you want the things we can do, and is that even what you want me to do?"

Josh stared at her blankly. "I’m not even going to pretend I understood any of that."

"Josh-"

"Come on."

They started walking, but Donna stopped almost immediately. "Wait a minute" 

She put her head to one side and began shaking it vigorously.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I got water in my ears."

Josh shook his head in wonder at this amazing, uninhibited woman. "You done?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

They started walking again and Donna noticed Josh smiling slightly at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. You want to get lunch?"

She stopped walking again. "I don’t know."

"You don’t know if you want to get lunch? It’s kind of an important meal, Donna."

"I don’t know if I want to get lunch with you."

"I just think we should talk."

"Why? What’s there to talk about? You want us to be things we can’t be." She shrugged. "We can’t be those things. I don’t see any wiggle room. So what’s there to say?"

"I don’t know" Josh admitted. "I just know that we can’t leave things the way they are."

Donna nodded in acquiescence.

"Let’s go."

 

Josh handed the menus back to the waiter and thanked him. He turned to Donna.

"You could always order something with a few more calories."

"It wouldn’t do you any harm to order something with a few less."

"I eat fine."

She didn’t bother to argue. "We’re not here to talk about your diet, Josh."

"No, we’re not."

She took a drink of water and waited for Josh to continue.

"Donna, I’m-" He stopped suddenly as the waiter returned with their food. "Thanks."

He smiled as she habitually swapped the green beans on her plate for the radishes on his.

She looked up at his expression. "What?" she asked through a mouthful of food."

"Nothing. Listen..."

"What?"

"I’m sorry."

Donna nodded and looked at her plate.

"I should have talked to you this morning. My behavior was totally out of order –"

"Yes it was."

"Yes it was, and I owe you an explanation."

"You owed me one of those this morning."

"I know." He looked at her. "Will you let me give you one now?"

She shrugged. "I guess so."

He took a deep breath. "I know I confused you. The thing is, I wasn’t lying when I told you that it wasn’t about last night, cos it’s not really. This started way before that – we both know it. It’s been difficult..." he rubbed his eyes as he tried to get his words out "It’s been difficult for me to keep our working relationship separate from the way I feel...about you. And last night...last night just brought it all crashing down. And so my way of coping was to draw lines, create boundaries – because Leo told me to get over you and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that if we carried on as normal."

Donna sighed. "Josh...why didn’t you tell me this morning?"

He shrugged. "I didn’t think it was..."

"Professional?" Donna finished.

"I guess."

She exhaled slowly. "I don’t know what to say."

"Do you forgive me?"

She smiled and nodded. 

"Thank you."

"So, from what you’re saying, we probably shouldn’t be sitting here together right now."

"Probably not."

"And yet...I don’t see you moving."

"I don’t see you moving either."

"This is going to be a productive conversation."

"Yeah."

She laughed and he smiled. "So – you never actually told me how you felt."

"Excuse me?"

"I pretty much bared my soul to you there, Donnatella!"

"That was you baring your soul?"

"Yes!"

"Okay."

"Anyway!"

"Sorry."

"I don’t even know if you feel the same."

She smiled incredulously. "You don’t know?"

He shook his head.

"So...if I get you lunch, that’s unprofessional, but me telling you that I’m head over heels in love with you, that’s okay?"

The smug grin came out in full force. Donna groaned. "Of course, I didn’t necessarily mean that I **am** head over heels in love with you."

"Of course!"

She smiled. "Come on, Josh. If you didn’t know that after that kiss, then you really shouldn’t have such an important position in government or politics!"

"Okay." He was smiling, but he stopped when he realized that the fact that she loved him too didn’t matter.

He hand crept across the table until she found his. When they touched, he flinched unconsciously, and she drew back. "I’m sorry" she apologised.

"No, I’m sorry" he said. "It’s me, I can’t –I can’t deal with this..."

"I know."

"Donna-"

"No, I know, I understand. It’s okay."

"It’s not okay. This is a mess."

Donna looked at her watch. "We should be getting back."

"Yeah, let me just pay the guy."

"You don’t have to-"

"It’s okay." He got up and walked to the counter while Donna took the time to gather her thoughts. She couldn’t believe what had just gone on – a full-blown admission of their feelings for each other. What she didn’t understand was what they were supposed to do now. She thought back to what Josh had said at the swimming pool – "I want us to be so many things we’re not allowed to be." She wanted those things too –why couldn’t they have them? She knew Leo was a good man, he was someone she respected and he was like a father to Josh, but how could he understand this thing between them? It was like nothing she’d ever experienced before – how could Leo understand it when she could barely comprehend it herself? He couldn’t really stop it, he couldn’t – maybe he didn’t have to know. Maybe...

"You ready?" Josh’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yeah." She stood up and he held out her coat for her. They started to walk away, and he looked at her, concerned.

"You all right?"

She shook her head. "No."

He sighed. "I know this is hard –"

"It’s more than hard, Josh, it’s unfair!" She took his hands and turned him round to face her. "Josh. I love you."

"I love you."

She stepped closer. "Maybe we can..."

"Donna."

"I know, I just – " she sighed, knowing even as she said it that what she was suggesting was impossible. "If we were discreet."

"It’s the White House, Donna, things get out."

"I know. I know."

He put his hand up to brush her hair away from her face, stopping suddenly as he had a thought.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just –"

"What?" asked Donna; alarmed to see that his eyes had taken on that sparkle he got when he was gearing up for a fight.

"It’s a lot harder to stop something once it’s already started." He looked at her eagerly.

"Josh –" she warned. 

"I’m just saying – "

"If it got out, it would look like a scandal."

"But we could deal with it when it happened, Donna, and it might not even happen!"

"Josh, wait a minute, are you saying we could-"

"Yes!"

"But it’s such a risk!"

"Some things are worth the risk, Donna."

Donna started to smile: a solution was in sight. Josh looked into her eyes. "It’s up to you, Donna. I don’t want to put you in a position where...this is up to you."

Donna breathed heavily, wondering how best to express herself. Finally she chose the most impulsive option open to her: she grabbed him and kissed the hell out of him.

Finally they broke apart, breathless and smiling.

"That’s a yes, then?" Josh guessed.

"That’s quite a definite yes, yes."

 

Fin

1.5.6503.32258  


$(document).scroll(function () {  
localStorage['page'] = document.URL;  
localStorage['scrollTop'] = $(document).scrollTop();  
});  
$(document).ready(function () {  
if (localStorage['page'] == document.URL) {  
$(document).scrollTop(localStorage['scrollTop']);  
}  
});  



End file.
